I am......

Lately I have been feeling such a mix of emotions that I cannot even begin to describe it. To say I am simply confused does not convey the turmoil I feel inside. I want so many things out of life, and I want to do so many things with my life for others. My problem lies with the fact of not knowing how to go about achieving any of the things I want. I find myself with so many dreams, and I am frustrated because I have no idea what steps to take to reach those dreams. I am so tired of being poor and feeling like a failure that every day I find myself so depressed that I cannot motivate myself to do much more that the usual chores and classwork that is due that day. How do you all figure out what to do in order to achieve your goals? I need advice. I feel like the walls that have closed in are crumbling and the weight of the debris is simply burying me.

New Ticker

Just wanted to place this ticker here so that I can try to remember it's really not such a long ways off.

Six months ago today...

Six months ago today our fur baby Cosmo passed away. I know many people think it is silly to so attached to a pet, but he simply was part of our family. He was like our child and lordy did he know it. That boy couldn't have gotten more love and attention if he had been a human boy lol. We still talk about him and look at his pictures and laugh as we remember funny stories. The aching is less now than when he passed, but it still seems empty and quiet here in the house. We hung his stocking this year, because it just seemed wrong not to.I was just looking through pictures on my computer and found some of Cosmo from past Christmas's so I thought I would share.

Testing my knowledge...

Testing my knowledge and understanding of this weeks readings, discussions and replies means it is quiz time. My quizzes are due on Sundays but I went ahead and took it tonight to get it over with and I was thrilled that I got 10 out of 10 which is an A! It was my last quiz for this course which is awesome. I had 4 quizzes during this course and scored 10 out of 10 on the last three. The first test I missed 1 point out which equals out to be .5% of the grade on it..so that's still not too bad. It is snowing here tonight and there has been some ice as well. The temperature right now is 18 degrees with a windchill of 3 degrees the wind is 19mph with 33mph gusts. The overnight low is expected to be 6 degrees with minus 10 degree windchill and winds gusting up to 45mph. I am hoping that the power stays on, and that the snow accumulates. We haven't had any snow accumulation yet this winter, and I am a total sucker for snow as long as I can look at it from the warmth of the house. I am looking forward to Christmas break from school and it cannot come soon enough. I wish you all a happy holiday season and look forward to your comments.

Patience is a Virtue

 Patience is a virtue, I have said this often to my nieces and nephews. This is one virtue I like to think I have, but man I am sure starting to wonder. I have been waiting for a very important check for a very long time now. I am in desperate need of the money as I have 32 cents to my name and am running out of daily necessities. The check was supposed to be mailed out on Friday December 10, 210, but then I was told it will not be processed until Monday the 13th and that it can take up to 4 days to be mailed out. So they told me to expect it to be mailed out on the 17th..which means it will arrive here no sooner than the 20th. This puts me a week behind schedule on everything...basically everything is at a standstill until it arrives. I am SOOOO tired of waiting...almost 7 months is way to long to wait for one stinking check. Please if you all could send thoughts and prayers that it arrives quickly and without any difficulties. I am scared to death it might get lost in the Christmas mail rush. How I wish I could fast forward time until the moment that check arrives. So I have created a ticker to help me count down the days. Can you all give me suggestions of how you make the days go by faster? I feel like a caged animal at this point.

Why bother?

I feel like writing out a whole long post, pouring my feelings out here because I cannot let them out anywhere else without people thinking I'm selfish, spoiled, bratty etc. Then again I think to myself...why bother writing them out anywhere? Does anyone really care? Would letting everything out change anything? The answer is no, it would not change anything. I am so tired of keeping things in, so tired of walking on eggshells so that I don't upset everyone else. I am so tired of not knowing who I am anymore. Just plain tired of everything. I used to pray that I would wake to another beautiful day on Earth. Now when I wake..I think..."oh, another day..to get through." I don't want to just "get through" each day. I want to be able to enjoy life. I have tried to be strong, I have tried to be positive, I am simply tired of trying. My give a damn is busted. I guess I am letting my emotions and thoughts out here..and anyone reading this will just assume I am being a whiny brat, so I will go. I probably won't be back again until I am truly happy, or until I can at least fake some sense of happiness.

Please Everyone Read This and Follow The Link

 Please follow this link and read what has been going on in my life. I am so embarrassed to be creating a site like this, asking for help, but I am so scared and desperate. Please pass it on and ask your friends and family to help me out. I want to thank you all. Once I found out more information I will keep you updated.
 http://helpsuskeepourhome.blogspot.com/