Final Math 126 test taken and graded!

Hi again,

I said earlier if I got the courage up to take my final test in my Math 126 course that I would come back and post the grade. I got up the guts to take the test and boy was I nervous. I noticed a few of the questions were playing games with the way they were worded. I am so glad that I read them again. I got my grade back and guess what, I scored 100%. I am beyond thrilled. Now there are only two more grades that I need back before I know my final score in the class. I think I have earned some reading time, so I am off to grab my E-reader and start reading Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer.

I'm not totally useless!

I often feel like I am worthless, useless, basically just an utter failure. I recently came upon this quote "Nobody is totally worthless, at the very best they can be used as a bad example". So the quote to the left is very similar and sums up pretty well how I feel. While I feel useless and worthless I at least can be used to show people what not to do in life. I guess I can take some comfort in that. I am seriously tired of being the example of how bad things can go, or what not to do. I admit it I have made a big large mess out of my life, but I am trying to fix it. It seems like for every step I take toward making it better I am shoved 10 steps back. I don't really know what I can do to make it better. I am so tired of just existing honestly. I want to feel safe, comfortable, relaxed and most of all happy. I have forgotten what all of that really was like. Going to school was my first step in trying to make a better future for myself. Sometimes I feel like that step is not even going to be completed. There has been some issues about my student loans and unless it can be worked out I will not have the money to finish my degree that I am supposed to obtain in October of this year. I just take things one day at a time and try to smile even if I am broken on the inside.

Moving on from all the darkness in the words I wrote above, I will tell about one thing I am really very proud of. I hope this does not sound like I am being conceited because I am not meaning for it to come off that way. I have very little that I am ever proud of, so I thought I would share it with you all. As many of you know math is my worst subject, it has always been difficult for me. I honestly have a hard time grasping the subject because I find it so daunting, so boring. I usually just shut down and some how manage to get through the course without every really retaining anything. I am in a math course now at my University that covers things like algebra and geometry in one course. I was pretty intimidated at first. I am proud to say this is my last week in the course. I turned in one assignment last night that still needs to be graded and I have a test to take by Sunday (if I can get the guts up I will be taking it today), and one assignment due Monday, then class is over! I am beyond thrilled to tell you wonderful readers of this blog that as it stands right now I have 81% out of 83% possible. That means I have only missed 2 points throughout the entire course!!!! Right now my grade is an A with a 97.59%! I am sorry it it sounds like a brag, but I am just so damn excited and rather proud. I have actually retained things from the course, and figured things out that I thought I would never even begin to grasp. Well, enough of a ramble for today. I might come back and update with my test score if I get the guts up to take it lol. I am realizing that I cannot change everything in one day, so I am learning to take it one day at a time, and shine through the darkness.

Happy 26th Birthday!!!

Well,

Today is my husband Matt's 26th birthday. We really didn't do much today. We slept in late, watched a movie and just ate dinner here at home. We have some plans tomorrow if all goes according to schedule. I hope he enjoyed his day even though it wasn't very exciting. I hope tomorrow is a nice celebration though. I want to thank all of you that left birthday wishes for Matt on his facebook and mine. You are all an awesome bunch :) Today is also the 9 year anniversary of our first date, I cannot believe it has been that long since asked me to be his girlfriend. I think I will blog about that night tomorrow.

I'm so nervous

Tomorrow is the court date for our bankruptcy dismissal case. Our lawyer is asking for an extension of time, but she doesn't seem hopeful that it will be granted, and honestly I don't believe that it will be. The lawyer said there is no way to tell if the judge will grant it, we will just have to wait and see. We don't get to appear at the court hearing so we can't even speak on our behalf. I really hate that we are at the mercy of the lawyer to call and let us know what happens at the court. I sooooo hate waiting to hear about these types of things. I just wish this wasn't happening. I am beyond terrified at the idea of losing the house, but if the case is dismissed our mortgage company has all rights to foreclose. There is no way we can pay the amount that it would take to cancel the foreclosure. It is starting to become too real that we will be homeless if they take the house. I am just trying to stay up beat, but honestly I cannot do it anymore. This is just my place to vent, so don't feel obligated to reply to this because honestly what can anyone say. I haven't slept since Sunday so if this doesn't make sense that's why. My nerves are so on edge right now. Matt's already in bed, he couldn't keep his eyes open. I will probably go to bed soon, although I know I shouldn't bother. What sucks major ass is that I will have a check here before the 10th that will more than cover the fee that is due tomorrow to stop the bankruptcy dismissal. I just don't have anyone that has it to loan until my check arrives. Maybe if we get the extension it will work out. If anyone has read this far Bless You.

A Mother's Love

Yesterday (since it's now 7:00am) my mom came up for a visit. It was nice to see her and Cosmo loved having his grandma visit. He was really enjoying showing off for her, it was really cracking us up. My mom can drive me nuts at times, but I guess that is the case with any parent, but yesterday she was awesome. I thought it was really sweet of her to drive almost an hour up here to visit and to bring us some stuff we desperately needed. She brought us some food and other things we were out of which I thought was really cool. We definitely needed the things she brought and she will probably never know just how much I truly appreciate them. She is always doing things to help people out, and sometimes I worry that she gets taken advantage of because she is too eager to give a helping hand. I really want to do something nice for her to show her how much I appreciate her and all of the things she does for everyone. So could you all help me with some ideas? This might sound sappy but I realized yesterday that while I acknowledge to myself all of the wonderful things my mom does, I really need to tell her more often what she means to me. My family has never been much for saying "I love you", but I really feel like I should start telling my parents and siblings how much I love them. I guess I have been thinking a lot about the fact that life is short and you never know what's going to happen. I know this sounds like I am rambling, but maybe I am lol. I think I better try to sleep now and write a more coherent blog later. I hope you all realize how important your moms and all of the loved ones in your lives really are.

Drama Free

Hey all,

I know it's been months since I last posted on here. Honestly, I felt as though my posts were the same old thing all of the time and were probably as boring for you all to read as they were for me to write. Things lately have been full of drama and I am hoping that has all been left behind me. I used to love the fact that my blog was open to the public, but for a little while it is going to be private, so I will have to add your email addy so that you can be listed as an approved reader. I am hoping that with time the drama will fade and I can open it back up to all that might want to read it. So, just to get all of my emotions out about the drama that has happened lately in my life with real life and computer life...here are some graphics that explain my feelings towards it all.....

This graphic sums up how I feel about a few people, they really are simply cunts. I apologize if anyone is offended, but seriously don't tell me you have never felt this way about a cunt that has been in your life lol.

This nice little icon here just makes me laugh out loud. There are so many people out there that crave attention, that thrive on drama...these people will solely be referred to by me as Drama Whores. This is to all of the attention seeking, smoke blowing, lying, two-faced bitches out there.

Okay, now that all of that is out of my system I feel much better. Since my blog is only able to be read by people that I trust I feel like I can speak more freely and get some of my emotions out and damn it feels good. Our court date is coming up on Wednesday (27th) and as far as everything looks now our case will most likely be dismissed which sucks, but we will just deal with it as it comes. I spoke to our mortgage lender tonight and that actually went pretty well. It seems like we might have some hope after all. So please keep your fingers crossed and send some good thoughts or prayers my way over this matter.

School is going well, it's kind of blah but graduation is set for October 2010, so I am trying to hang in there. The new Dean's List came out today, and guess what? I'm on it! I have successfully made the Dean's List each time it has been issued since I have been attending. I am thrilled. Here is the link if you want to look me up. Just look for Amanda Stafford in Buffalo, Mo :) http://www.ashford.edu/deanslist/

I am going to go ahead and wrap this up, but I hope to be posting around here more often. I hope that you all leave me some comments.

Strumming my nerves

I am so damn nervous about court tomorrow. I know that I can not change what will happen, it's just hard to realize that I have no control over the situation. I am just praying that things go well and we can move on, and not have to deal with all of this uncertain legal junk. I wish I could write a longer blog, but I don't know what'd I would say.