So..the date is set.

So we found out yesterday (Monday) just by chance that they mortgage company has set a sale date on our house. They have yet to notify us of this. I am interested to see when they'll bother to send me a letter letting me know they are selling my house out from under me. Their lawyer is getting me some figures since the last set of figures was wrong. I just want to get this all worked out, and I am $300 short of doing so. The sale date is set for May 28th, which is so soon. I have to get a ton of paper work done, and get the $300 I need to go with the money we have so that we can take care of this. I have so many emotions running through me right now. I'm scared, mad, sad, confused, angry, just so many things. Honestly I want to talk about it, but I don't even know what to say. I do know that if I have to leave here, I might as well be dead. I already feel like I'm dying inside. My nightmares went away for a while, but have been starting up again. I guess they could sense that this was coming. So now it's at the stage where I wait until I'm dead tired to get in bed, and I'll sleep but..it'll be a sleep full of nightmares and I'll wake up feeling worse than when I went to bed. When I wake up, I'm glad the nightmares are gone, but then again I dread it..because every morning I wake up is one more morning closer to being homeless.

This all wouldn't be so bad if we knew we had somewhere to go if we don't get the money to save the house. But, sadly we don't have anywhere. I talked to my mom again Monday night, and she isn't much help. I have come to the conclusion that I was a horrible person in my past life and that it's catching up with me now. All of the times I told people karma was a bitch, how little did did I know..that karma would come around and bite me in the ass.

I guess I deserve this.

I hope and pray that we can get the $300 we need and that we can get the paper work filed in time, and that we can find work, and that it all goes smoothly. But I know better. Nothing, NOTHING ever goes smoothly for us.

Our wedding for example, the pastor backs out two weeks before the wedding. The invites were already sent, everything was set to take place, we had to find a pastor, it was crazy.

When we bought this house, Matt lost his job, had to prove employment again to the mortgage company. Had to find a job fast, luckily my dads business was doing good then and he could hire Matt. Also we closed on this house on a Friday, the Monday of that week a tornado came through and destroyed several buildings in town and destroyed roofs on over half of the houses in town. We were a wreck thinking this house probably got it too. After many times of the closing date being pushed back, we were certain that the tornado got it, and that we wouldn't end up owning the house. After the sirens stopped, and the danger had passed we rushed from Matt's moms where we were staying to check on the house and to call our realtor and loan agent who were also worried about the house. On the drive, we were so nervous I almost threw up. I told Matt, that if we got the house and it was safe it was our Omen that it was meant to be our house.

We pulled up, and there were limbs scattered everywhere, the neighbors metal shed was in shards in our backyard. But the house was untouched. All around was debris, shingles, toys, anything you could imagine from other houses, but ours was perfect. I knew in that moment we were meant to be here. I don't want to leave. Just the thought of it puts me to tears. This is our little house, we are proud of it. We take pride in keeping it clean, and taking care of our yard. We even transplanted baby trees from my parents yard into ours, and they're finally budding out.

I have to go whatever I can to keep this place. It's our home. It's our safe haven. If anyone knows of any ideas that might help me out please suggest them.

I'm scared. If I have to leave here. I am sure that I will wilt and die.