I often feel like I am worthless, useless, basically just an utter failure. I recently came upon this quote "Nobody is totally worthless, at the very best they can be used as a bad example". So the quote to the left is very similar and sums up pretty well how I feel. While I feel useless and worthless I at least can be used to show people what not to do in life. I guess I can take some comfort in that. I am seriously tired of being the example of how bad things can go, or what not to do. I admit it I have made a big large mess out of my life, but I am trying to fix it. It seems like for every step I take toward making it better I am shoved 10 steps back. I don't really know what I can do to make it better. I am so tired of just existing honestly. I want to feel safe, comfortable, relaxed and most of all happy. I have forgotten what all of that really was like. Going to school was my first step in trying to make a better future for myself. Sometimes I feel like that step is not even going to be completed. There has been some issues about my student loans and unless it can be worked out I will not have the money to finish my degree that I am supposed to obtain in October of this year. I just take things one day at a time and try to smile even if I am broken on the inside.
Moving on from all the darkness in the words I wrote above, I will tell about one thing I am really very proud of. I hope this does not sound like I am being conceited because I am not meaning for it to come off that way. I have very little that I am ever proud of, so I thought I would share it with you all. As many of you know math is my worst subject, it has always been difficult for me. I honestly have a hard time grasping the subject because I find it so daunting, so boring. I usually just shut down and some how manage to get through the course without every really retaining anything. I am in a math course now at my University that covers things like algebra and geometry in one course. I was pretty intimidated at first. I am proud to say this is my last week in the course. I turned in one assignment last night that still needs to be graded and I have a test to take by Sunday (if I can get the guts up I will be taking it today), and one assignment due Monday, then class is over! I am beyond thrilled to tell you wonderful readers of this blog that as it stands right now I have 81%
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t of 83% possible. That means I have only missed 2 points throughout the entire course!!!! Right now my grade is an A with a 97.59%! I am sorry it it sounds like a brag, but I am just so damn excited and rather proud. I have actually retained things from the course, and figured things out that I thought I would never even begin to grasp. Well, enough of a ramble for today. I might come back and update with my test score if I get the guts up to take it
lol. I am realizing that I cannot change everything in one day, so I am learning to take it one day at a time, and shine through the darkness.
