Feelings

I titled this post Feelings because it is going to be discussing several different emotions I am experiencing lately. I know it's been a while since I last posted. I always intend to come back more often and write, but I honestly don't know why I haven't. I guess it is because I don't feel like I have anything worth discussing. However, there is one big thing that has happened this past week that I wanted to come acknowledge. I finished the very last course in my Master's program on Monday Nov 9th, 2015. Now I am just waiting to take my comprehensive exam on the 17th. It will be a culmination of everything I have studied in my entire program. I don't expect it to be easy, it's an essay style test and will last for a week. I am just praying that I don't mess up, it is a pass or fail test and obviously I have to pass it to get my degree. I am so excited to be at this part of my Master's journey, but also I am very nervous and hoping that I can find a good job in the near future. The amount of student debt I have is outrageous and scares me to death to think about. So while I am excited to almost have my degree in hand, I am also worried that I won't find a job fast enough. I also do not want to work outside of the home because I want to stay with my son, so I am having all types of mixed emotions.

I have also been thinking a lot more about my writing lately. I have recently started working on a book I began writing years ago. I am now in the 10th chapter and I have days where I struggle with pushing towards my dream. My dream is to be an author, to have my characters and their stories escape my mind and live on inside my written work. I have my days where I know that one day it will happen and I will not give up. There are other days where I think that it is silly and that it won't happen and that I am ridiculous for even entertaining the thought of having my work published.

Also, I have been struggling lately with feeling very lonely. I have no friends to hang out with and this is starting to bring me down. Even my friends I used to talk to online very often seem as though they are distant lately. I understand everyone is busy with their own lives, but I still can't help but feel as though many of them just talk to me when they want something from me. It's a terrible feeling.

I am not sure if anyone even reads this anymore, but if you do. Thanks.

So tired, So alone.

I am so tired of this life. I am so tired of feeling so alone. I wish I had someone to talk to. Everyone is so fake, I have no idea who to trust. I am simply just tired of it all.