How long am I....

supposed to hang on? How long am I supposed to wait? How do I keep hanging on? Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better, that something great will come along. I am starting to lose hope, things have been so rough for so long. I don't know how I've held on this long & I don't know how much longer I can hold on. The lack of income is the biggest issue. We have been without income for so long that we are in debt with so many creditors & we have been through a failed bankruptcy because obviously without income we weren't able to pay the monthly bankruptcy payments. We have had two foreclosures on the house and some how we are still here. We live in fear every day that we could get word that they are taking the house because we haven't been able to make a payment in ages. We never know where our next dollar is coming from. I have bills due next week that I cannot pay, and soon they will shut off all services. I am so tired of my life being like this, so tired of everything being up in the air. I do not know what it's like to be truly happy or carefree anymore. Anytime something good happens I am always waiting for the next shoe to drop. I don't want to die, but honestly I am  tired of simply existing. I want to live. I want to be able to pay my bills, and know that I will have food, I want to know that I am not running the risk of being homeless any day. I just do not know what to do anymore, I don't know how to handle it all. I don't know why I am writing this. No one leaves comments, so I doubt anyone even reads my blog. I guess I just want to get these feelings out, maybe putting them here will help take some of the weight off.